“Help” | Newsletter 4
There are many things that change in a child as they grow older. Their taste for food might change, they might want to talk less or more, they may find interest in new hobbies, but one of the hallmark moves of growing up is being able to do things on your own. You used to have to ask mom or dad to read to you but now you can do it by yourself! Maybe pumping up the tire on your bike was once too hard and now you find that you can do it! There is a move as we grow up towards independence and away from dependence, from asking for help to being able to do things on our own. This is a healthy and natural part of the maturing process and should be celebrated in many situations.
As I have spent more time working with children in the counseling space, I am often asked for help. Whether it is to open the cap on a glue stick or assistance with a new game, most children do not think twice about asking for what they need. And yet as I sit with adults, it seems to be almost the opposite. Having someone telling me what they want or need can be like pulling teeth. Why are most children so willing to ask and yet we as adults are so resistant? The answer is most likely different for everyone but I believe getting back to a place of being willing to ask for help when needed is a place of growth and not a regression, like many fear.
While I cannot tell you why you specifically may feel tension around the question of asking for help, there are some questions that may provide a bit of a road map. So as you find yourself asking for help, or not asking for help, consider these questions:
What do I believe about myself when I ask for help? (e.g. Do I believe I am weak if I need help lifting a heavy box)
Do you actually believe this is true?
What do I feel about others when they ask for help?
Does this match how I feel about myself when asking for help?
When asking for help, how I do think the person sees me?
What makes me think that way?
If someone helps me, what do I believe about how I need to respond?
Do I need to pay them back? Is saying “Thank You” enough?
Why is this important to lean into and understand? We are meant to live in community and you do not have to go through this alone. We all have strengths and weaknesses and asking for help allows us to be ourselves in those spaces.
What would the world look like if you invited people into those places where you feel weak?
How would you feel if someone invited you into a place where they thought you were strong?
This paints a beautiful picture of how we could all do life together. I am by no means suggesting that asking for help is easy. In fact It takes a great amount of courage to do so. I am inviting you to be brave, take a risk, and invite someone into those places where you feel weak. My hope is that they can bring you strength and you also find places to bring your strength in helping others.
